Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize