: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
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Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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