I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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