dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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