when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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