I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize