Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
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pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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