I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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