He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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