I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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