i permit you to call me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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