She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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