i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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