I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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