Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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