Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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