my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize