May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What drink are we having for lunch?
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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