you win again, gameday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize