I just cut my nipple shaving
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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