you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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