Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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