Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize