yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize