Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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