He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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