last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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