this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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