oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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