Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize