When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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