life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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