i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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