Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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