I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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