I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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