I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize