Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize