At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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