If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize