His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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