Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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  (516): She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot. http://tfl.nu/dkig
  Replies (3) Good night (607) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms

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  (917): new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms http://tfl.nu/uasp
  Replies (12) Good night (1018) Bad night (2244) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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  (425): If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab http://tfl.nu/ezlg
  Replies (8) Good night (3064) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I love sluts.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I end my prayers with that every single night.

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  (913): I love sluts. (402): I end my prayers with that every single night. http://tfl.nu/8il0
  Replies (8) Good night (3667) Bad night (580)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.

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  (217): The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again. http://tfl.nu/eq2e
  Replies (26) Good night (7750) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

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  (912): I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers http://tfl.nu/7qil
  Replies (16) Good night (4514) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7745) Bad night (48311)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila makes me forget i have legs

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  (250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk
  Replies (25) Good night (5985) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment

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  (916): It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment http://tfl.nu/y1ii
  Replies (15) Good night (920) Bad night (3309) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.

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  (734): The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car. http://tfl.nu/l3cg
  Replies (9) Good night (1286) Bad night (4549) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.

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  (518): I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere. http://tfl.nu/r42x
  Replies (13) Good night (1243) Bad night (4346) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister

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  (303): I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister http://tfl.nu/4y4g
  Replies (5) Good night (1987) Bad night (518)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex

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  (402): let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex http://tfl.nu/z1hh
  Replies (13) Good night (2958) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.

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  (850): It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order. http://tfl.nu/7w8i
  Replies (4) Good night (1957) Bad night (454)
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  (769): View more from Mississippi

  He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking

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  (769): He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking http://tfl.nu/ylhe
  Replies (6) Good night (432) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt

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