I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize