She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
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he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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