i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
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i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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