Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We are all done wearing pants today
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize