your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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