im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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