Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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