I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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